Fuji music star, Abass Akande, alias Obesere, shares his parenting expertise, from the time he turned a father to how a lot of a modified individual he had grow to be as a father.
What does fatherhood imply to you?
Crucial factor about fatherhood is that one ought to be a accountable father.
Being accountable shouldn’t be all about cash.
There are occasions you won’t have the monetary capability to satisfy your youngsters’s monetary calls for however you may nonetheless have recommendation and persistence.
Whenever you don’t have, there’s a approach you current it that your youngsters will perceive and they are going to be affected person with you.
Not all obligations may be instantly met always.
At instances when your youngsters come to you with a monetary want and you aren’t succesful at that second, what you are able to do is to calm the kid down and request for a while to satisfy the necessity.
As a mum or dad, it’s essential to additionally current it in a very good method. The truth that it’s your youngster that’s making the request doesn’t imply that it’s a must to speak to her or him anyhow.
Make them perceive and they’re going to love you.
Additionally, make your youngsters know the suitable factor to do and the suitable method to go always. As a mum or dad, you might be to point out them the suitable path and never ignore the incorrect issues they do. If the mum or dad ignores the kid, the implications will later hang-out the mum or dad ultimately.
At what age did you grow to be a father?
I turned a father at 21.
Age 21 seems comparatively early to grow to be a father. Did you discover beginning early advantageous?
When speaking in regards to the age I turned a father, you realize that being a father doesn’t essentially imply that you’re the organic mum or dad of the kid. In case you are speaking about being a organic father, I turned one 31 years in the past. I’m 57 years outdated now, the distinction between 57 and 31 offers you that age, please assist me out with the calculation. That’s 26.
Had been you beneath any type of stress, both from household or society, to grow to be a father?
There was no stress as a result of I had been alone for a very long time – since secondary faculty days. I left residence and stopped being beneath my mother and father since then. My mother and father truly didn’t need me to do music however I’ve been practising music since faculty days and I come from a lineage of musicians. As soon as this factor is in your blood, you may’t assist it, however my mother and father wished me to additional my training and had been able to sponsor me to any degree I wished however music had gone deep into my system and there was no approach I might have been in a position to handle each, so, I needed to let go of 1 and I selected to let go of my training and held onto music.
What was the expertise like for you when your first youngster arrived?
On the day my first youngster was born, I had no penny on me, not even one. I regarded left and proper, there was nothing. I cried on that day. I considered what I might do.
Had been you already a musician then?
Sure, I used to be however I had not been identified then. I hadn’t made it. I used to be nonetheless struggling then however thank God for my mother who was there for me. She took care of every thing.
Had been you explicit in regards to the intercourse of your first youngster?
No. I by no means even gave it a thought.
Did you give your spouse any type of help or help throughout being pregnant?
Sure. It’s a standard factor for one to offer his spouse some type of help throughout being pregnant.
Other than being pregnant, girls all the time want help. They aren’t slaves. We’re for one another and one another’s helpmate. Ladies are our companions, not our slaves. It’s important to see your spouse as your associate, not your slave.
That she married you doesn’t indicate that you need to maltreat her, no.
Let her know that you’re there for her and the extra you deal with her properly, the extra favour and blessings you’ll receive from God as a result of she’s going to continuously pray for you.
Let her know that you just care about her, let her know that you just recognize her a lot.
Making an attempt to assist her out doesn’t cut back you in any approach. Make her really feel vital. Simply the best way the tradition is overseas, you may’t see a white couple strolling on the road and the girl would be the one carrying the bags, the person takes it from her.
It is best to recognize her however let her know when she goes incorrect or appropriate her.
A person has to deal with his woman and pamper her like an egg but it surely doesn’t imply that when she does one thing incorrect, she shouldn’t be corrected instantly. That’s how I do it.
What has fatherhood taught you?
It’s not simple to be father. To be a father, you must be calm, be a very good listener, don’t bounce into conclusion simply.
In a situation the place you’ve got a few of your youngsters at loggerheads they usually come to you to make a report about one thing, you should be the intermediary that may hearken to each events, one after the opposite and make peace between them and it’s essential to not take sides. Additionally, don’t give one youngster choice over the others.
Don’t ever present to your youngsters that you just like yet another than the others. Even if you happen to do, maintain it to your self as a result of it might probably trigger disaster in your house.
What are the values you learnt out of your mother and father which have helped you as a father and you propose to cross onto your youngsters?
My dad is somebody that doesn’t bear grudges and he’s not a hypocrite.
I like that about him and I adopted go well with.
He doesn’t backbite and all that. If he says he’s not curious about one thing, then he’s not. I’m somebody like my father.
My household relies overseas and at any time when I would like them, I’m going to satisfy them and at any time when they wish to come to Nigeria too, they arrive. I’ve the paperwork that permit me to journey overseas at any time when I wish to and I labored laborious for it.
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My spouse and I made lots of sacrifices. It’s not simple to steer clear of your partner however we had to try this in order to safe the way forward for our youngsters.
Why did you select to relocate your loved ones overseas?
Properly, with the best way issues are stepping into Nigeria, it’s solely God that may assist us rectify every thing going incorrect with Nigeria but it surely’s additionally good to have the chance to maneuver from one place to the opposite.
Does any of your youngsters have your form of musical expertise and is taking after you in music?
One or two of them are attempting to do music however I all the time inform them that training is essential and it ought to be given precedence. I inform them that even when they wish to go into music, training is first as a result of it would assist them extra.
Are you keen to allow them to comply with your footsteps as a musician?
Properly, future has been written.
There’s no approach you may change somebody’s future.
Even if you happen to resolve that you’ll not let your youngsters get into music or do music, as soon as the future has been written, there’s nothing that may be finished about it.
All that must be finished is to offer them the suitable help and good recommendation however I maintain telling them that training is the primary, after which they’ll do in anyway they need and I’ll give them the help that’s required.
Training helps rather a lot in every thing one does.
How do you appropriate them once they go incorrect?
I speak to them. I don’t beat my youngsters. I merely speak to them about what they’ve finished incorrect. I name them, sit them down and speak to them. Beating them won’t make them to hearken to you.
It can get to some extent that they’ll get used to it (the beating) and can say that beating is the worst factor that will be finished to them however while you maintain speaking to them, they’ll ultimately motive with you and that’s the tradition practised overseas.
The whites imagine that there’s a approach you’ll speak to your youngsters that they’ll hearken to you.
Being raised overseas, are you not involved that your youngsters could also be out of contact together with your tradition, as a Yoruba man?
There’s no approach you may sideline your tradition.
It doesn’t matter if they’re overseas and the youngsters should not doing every thing because it pertains to our tradition.
My youngsters are very respectful, they don’t look down on folks, they don’t misbehave and we speak to them all the time, particularly their mom.
She is a mom certainly. We nonetheless instill the African tradition into them regardless of being overseas.
Do they converse Yoruba language?
Sure . I instructed them that when they’re at college, they’ll converse English however once they get residence, I don’t wish to hear something English, in order that they’ll perceive each languages as a result of there’s an age that one can be taught completely different languages however once they go previous that age, they received’t be capable to be taught the language once more.
It’s normally very simple to be taught many languages between age one and 12.
What ethical values do you instill in your youngsters?
My youngsters are good youngsters and I’m so pleased with them.
What do you take into account your largest problem as a father up to now?
There’s no problem. I wouldn’t say that there was any problem.
I work and all they want from me, God has all the time supplied.
No a lot problem. The one one problem I can recall that I’ve had was when my household relocated overseas.
I used to be the one one left in Nigeria and I didn’t have the chance to all the time journey overseas to see them however once I bought my papers that will permit me journey as a lot as I need, I’m able to go see them as a lot as doable.
Is there any profession path that any of your youngsters would select that received’t get your approval?
If it has to do with one thing that’s unhealthy, I received’t approve of it.
So long as it’s one thing that’s official, I’ll give my approval and help but when it’s one thing that’s unlawful or illegal, I can’t give my help. By the grace of God, all my youngsters are good youngsters.
Do you’ve got expectations of the form of spouses they need to have?
Properly, that’s completely their determination to make.
In any way determination they make, both white or black.
There may be an English proverb that claims one man’s meals is one other man’s poison.
Their selection is their selection.
All I’ve to ask is that if they’ve finished their findings properly in regards to the individual.
As soon as they’ve determined, there’s no coming again to disclaim the individual or say that they’ll’t go on with the individual anymore.
What legacies are you striving to or hope to bequeath to your youngsters?
Hmmmnnn… God has created me as a legacy already due to all of the attributes I’ve.
If there’s anybody who has a nasty angle, the individual ought to come and reside with me for one or two weeks, the individual will change for the higher.
I don’t take life too laborious.
I’m an easygoing and calm individual.
I don’t disrespect folks.
Even when folks do annoying issues to me, I maintain my calm.
Generally I inform those who I’m an establishment alone. I’m like a faculty you can undergo and be taught. I’ve associates who inform me typically that they’ve learnt rather a lot from me in the case of relating with different folks.
I don’t get offended so simply but it surely doesn’t imply that I don’t get offended in any respect. Once I get offended, it turns into apparent that the opposite individual will need to have gone past their boundary.
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